The Fat Duck, a popular and celebrated restaurant in Bray, Berkshire has been forced to shut its doors after nearly 400 diners reported succumbing to flu-like symptoms following their meal.
The Health Protection Agency is in the process of investigating what could have caused the mysterious illness. As of now, food poisoning has not been found to be the culprit. A spokesperson commented on the testing: "They've shown no food poisoning, no viruses, nothing."
Celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal owns The Fat Duck. His most famous items (which cost around £100) are snail porridge and nitro-scrambled egg and bacon ice cream (served with tea jelly).
The cause of the outbreak seems quite obvious to us: the British food. If you want to avoid a side of diarrhea and vomit with your dinner, stop eating those wretched dishes. Bacon is meant for cheeseburgers, not ice cream. That's just common sense; something you Brits are seriously lacking.